The One That Got Away

I have been on that page for so many years and I don’t know how to get out. Mahirap makawala sa isang bagay na gustong-gusto mong makamit. I was longing for a healthy and friendly relationship. Kahit friends lang okay na saakin. Kesa nama sa relationship na puro utos, puro kabastusan. Mas gugustuhin ko pang maging kaibigan nya, at least alam ko kung saan ako lulugar diba?

For three fucking years, umasa ako sa kanya. Evrytime na may slight hope, I was ready to open my doors for him. But I have realized that I wasn’t the girl he wants to be with. And I’m totally okay with that, I mean I wasn’t expecting anything, friendship lang talaga.

And then narealize ko na maybe, maybe pinagsisiksikan ko lang talaga sarili ko sa kanya. Maybe he doesn’t want to be involve with me. Maybe it’s time to come clean. Oo, hanggang ngayon hindi parin ako nakakamoveon sayo. Ang tanga-tanga ko para bigyan ka ng chance. Kahit tatlong taon na yung nakakalipas simula nung nagkakilala tayo, hindi ko na yata kayang makalimutan ka.

As I am writing this, madami akong narealize. Maraming pumasok sa isip ko na posibilidad kung bakit iba yung treatment nya saakin. Habang sinusulat ko to, kinikilabutan ako, nanlalamig dahil sa mga nalaman ko. Afterall, wala naman syang pake sakin bakit pa ako nagiging ganito? Sana hindi ko na lang sya muling pinapasok sa buhay ko. Mas lalong gumulo, mas lalong lumungkot.

-sr

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