help?

Have you tasted the bitterness of life?

Death sucking out every bit of you?

Well… I have and guess what? I became numb from all this shit.

I was careless with my decisions. Joining to celebrate the ruins of me with my demons.

It was pretty amazing. Building walls and setting aside family and friends.

At last, for once I can be me. This reckless, stupid girl who just want to have fun then regret it when the night comes.

Then it hit me, I was and still am destroying myself.

Stupid scars and dried tears on my pillow. Bruised knuckles and empty eyes.

This was not what I wanted for myself. I just wanted to be understand, get help and to have someone who will listen to all of my crying screams.

But how can I do that, if the walls I used to build was too high and no one volunteers to demolish it?

I thought for a moment, I was fearless. A young, dumb and broke girl who can handle herself.

But boy I was wrong, this girl still needs help.

And now, I am reaching out to you. Tho many people have shared their battles and stories, I still need those reassuring words. That my demons, can’t hurt me anymore — that I will finally reach the peaceful part of my mind.

Hey there, you. Can you please aid me? Because I’ve been bleeding since I let my demons wreck me.

 

-sr

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My Legit AF TOTGA

Sa huling pagkakataon gusto kong humingi ng patawad sa iyo. Mga lihim na hindi ko sinabi, pinabayaan sapagkat alam kong ikaw  ay masasaktan. Patawad dahil hanggang ngayon, hindi ko parin maamin-amin na ako’y nangloko.

Susulatan ka ng tula dahil gusto ng makalimot, iwanan ang iyong mga kamay at pakawalan ang sakit na iyong dinulot. Hindi ko makalimutan ang iyong mga mata. Mga matang palaging nakatingin kapag ako’y nalilinga.

Ang iyong labing kay sarap pag-masdan, naglalabas ng mga mabulaklak na salita. Teka, baka kasi hindi naman totoo, baka nasabi lang kasi kinukuha mo ang aking loob. At oo, nakuha mo nga, nabigong bantayan ang puso, nahulog sa bitag mo at naniniwala sayo.

Sa mga araw na tayo’y magkasama, iniisip ang hinaharap nating dalawa. Ako pa rin ba? Tayo pa rin ba? At biglang pumasok sa aking mapilit na utak, oo nga pala tayo ay magkaiba. Hindi mananalo ang pag-ibig kahit ano pang gawing pilit.

At sa kabila ng lahat, hindi ako nagsisi. Mali man sa paningin ng iba, ipinaglaban parin kita. Natagalan man suklian ang iyong pag-ibig, ngunit nabawi rin naman sa bigat at sakit ng aking dibdib.

Sa huling pagkikita natin, sa mismong araw nato, babalik ako hindi dahil gusto ko pa, babalik lang dahil babawiin ang pusong malapit ng maremata. Pasensyan na hah? Kung hinayaan kong mabulok yung puso ko sayo. Edi sana, hindi tayo humantong sa ganito. Salamat na rin, sa dalawang taong pag-ibig. Sabi ko nga sayo, you’re the one that got away parin.

-snr